It’s not easy being 27, celebrating my sixth month of unemployment, single, with no idea of what the future holds and trying to fake it til I make it.
God is a big part of my life. In fact, he is the biggest part of my life. By this I mean that I cannot imagine a life without him. I don’t spend hours praying everyday, that I preached the Gospel on every street corner and am joy, peace and hope embodied. Quite the opposite. In fact the reason I’m here is because I not this person I wish I was, I am not as sorted and spiritualy balanced as I hoped I’d be by now. I’m in a mess, trying to get out of it and wanting to quit half the time.
Someone said to me today “But it’s not just about you, is it? It’s about what God wants for your life!” and it made me want to rage like there was no tomorrow. I didn’t do that. I held it in, brought a sassy line in and left it there. But something in me wanted to shout: “It IS just about me!” only to realise that 10 years into my christian faith, I was still making the same mistakes.
The truth is: I’ve learnt a few lessons already during this fairly desertic time if my life. And I’ve learnt a few lessons before. And I’ll learn a few more after. So I decided that I’d put them down, word them, try to work things through and understand how, sometimes, God and life don’t seem quite on the same page, but it doesn’t mean He’s not there.
So welcome to the positive mess that I am.
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